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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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Silence is argument carried out by other means.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
If you are going through hell, keep going.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
最終更新日 : 2012/01/30/(Mon) 04:06
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